Etsy Shop Update

Etsy

We were super excited to open our Etsyshop last month! It was a slow start but I’m finally getting the hang of listing items and over the next week we’ll have about 10 more fun things added to the shop… We’d love for you to check it out!

A portion of the proceeds from each sale will go toward two foundations close to our heart. St. Jude Cancer Center, where my mom was treated and The Time Tebow Foundation supporting children around the world. Each listing tells where the proceeds for that particular item will go! Thank you for your support my sweet friends!

Our Journey continued...

Our Journey continued…

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God promises not to harm us but during the weeks that become months and the months that become years on the path of infertility it feels like I’m being harmed. That is, until I open my eyes.

I am a person and like anyone else I have a plan. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…. Well the first two parts were easy compared to the last part. I’ve wanted to be a mom “since I was born” as my mom would often say. About a year before we got married I began seeking advise from my doctor about trying to get and regulate a monthly cycle. After about 3 months she sent me off to the next OB who specializes in fertility on an OB level. I was with him for 6 months before we had “the talk”. He said I needed to make an appointment with a fertility clinic in our area and get a plan in place. Our wedding was now here and we knew we weren’t going to stop ourselves from getting pregnant, if only my body would cooperate.

I long stopped counting the time that has passed since I first sat in my doctor’s office talking about this subject. I’ve long passed being embarrassed by infertility. I’ve long accepted that this is my journey and I best make the best of it!

I’ll never forget my first visit to the fertility clinic. Ryan and I had talked about him not taking a day off work for this appointment since he would need to be at the next appointment for sure. It was the worst decision we made! The appointment was HORRIBLE to say the least! The doctor was awful, the nurse was drunk or something, the receptionist looked like she hadn’t showered in days, and worst of all I was the only woman in the office full of men making a “donation”… Insert mortified! I left the office crying after my appointment. Totally lost on what to do. Ryan was horrified that he wasn’t there with me and more horrified that I didn’t walk out right away but actually went through the whole appointment. Needless to say it was just a mess.

I immediately called the fertility doctor that my OB recommended (it is about 2 hours from our house) and they said they’d get me in the next morning. Again my husband wouldn’t be able to go but this appointment turned out much better. I felt super comfortable with the new doctor and we made up our route of treatment. By this point we were more than ready to have a baby.

Three months later and still a big ol nothing. Every month was like a miniature death. A death of something we didn’t even have. We decided that this wasn’t going to ruin our new marriage and we were going to find the best in every day. So we did. On the bad days we laughed at what we could (like the ultrasound machine…) and on the good days we cherished each other more than ever.

There has to be good in everything and we were determined to find it. Looking back, this is when we really got closer than ever. I also know that my relationship with God matured in a whole different way during this time. When we first started down this road I was loosing my mom to cancer. I was angry at God, angry at myself, and just miserable. Then my mom passed away and I remember having a very open conversation with God (I decided long ago that since He already knows my heart, I might as well be open and honest with Him). I didn’t understand why my mom had to pass away and now I was embarking on the scariest journey ever… alone. I was quickly reminded to trust God because with God, I am never alone!

So I did that! The longer this journey goes on the more of those “bad days” there are. In fact, I’m surprised my phone has lasted since being thrown across the room multiple times. I swear there are “National Announce You’re Preggo” days on Facebook sometimes. One thing that I’ve never felt is upset about others pregnancies but lets face it… its hard to see 8 people announce they’re expecting in one day.

I’m truly so happy for all our friends and family that is expecting and would never with this journey on anyone but I’ll also say that there IS good that can come from a rough road. In the least, you break in your tires. What I mean is, Ryan and I have had to choose to journey this together. We’ve had to actively love each other as we experience this hardship together. We act and react differently to the same journey. Ryan’s learned a new level of patience and so have I. I strongly believe I am a better wife and will be a better mom when the time comes, because of this road we’re traveling. I know God has a reason and I can drive myself crazy trying to find that reason, or I can ride the waves of today.

I have one more post on this fertility journey that I’ll save for tomorrow. After some encouraging emails and comments from my first post on this, I’ll update this little blog as we go along, hopefully in the least, showing others they aren’t alone.

I’ll finish with this (which will be exactly where my next post will start…)

Be still, and know that I am God…

Psalm 46:10

Our Journey with Infertility

Yesterday marked the start of Nation Infertility Week so I thought it was a fitting time to open up about this painful journey that has made it way into our home. Infertility is a scary and lonely journey full of unknowns. I started Peach & Paisleys because I became a housewife nearly overnight. Our fertility doctor said I needed to minimize my stress and he suggested I stop working. So I did…

I have known for a long time I would have a hard time conceiving but that news didn’t really affect me until I was married and we wanted to start a family. At that time I couldn’t have told you the optimal size of a follicle or told you my exact basal temperature at any point during the month. I would have told you you were crazy if you said I’d have blood drawn weekly (sometimes more than once and up to 30 vials a week) or give myself shots because at that time the idea of a shot made me want to puke. I would have cringed if you told me we’d have to excuse ourselves early from family functions and make up an excuse because I needed to go throw up for the 5^th time that day. I wouldn’t have understood going to the bathroom and crying in the middle of my Target run because everyone I was passing in the aisles was pregnant or with a baby.

Going through these things are apart of our regular life now. If we wouldn’t have gone through this struggle thus far we also wouldn’t understand the grace of God the way we do today. We wouldn’t understand the feeling of peace that He is in control. We wouldn’t be as close as husband and wife because one thing’s for sure: 1 in 8 couples go through infertility but NONE of those couples are the same. I sit in our fertility doctor’s office up to 4 times in any given week, often seeing the same women’s faces. Many of those women share a similar journey as my husband and I are on but none of us feel the same way. Honestly I don’t even feel the same way day to day about this journey. There are days my heart literally begs God for a baby. There are days I just don’t understand why but God always is quick to remind me that it’s okay that I don’t understand as long as I remember He is in control.

I’m definitely far from perfect and there have been many days I have been angry at God, but in His normal loving way He is quick to invite me back into His embrace. He is quick to remind me that He is good all the time… even in our struggles. I have learned to pray differently and yes, I daily pray for our sweet baby that will someday take a home in this mama’s belly. A baby that is already so incredibly loved by this mama and daddy. A baby that is incredibly longed for.

1 in 8 couples is a lot of couples. As we’ve slowly shared our journey with friends and family we’ve become aware of many other people in our lives that have struggled in one way or another. We are the first among these people to go to the step of IVF but every journey is unique and one day our story will start the next chapter to. It is a scary step to share your struggle with those you love and there are some people we’ve decided to stop sharing with but it’s been so healthy to get support from a special few.

I know that everyone we’ve shared our journey with only has good intentions with how they’ve responded but even so, some responses are so hurtful. We are young and we know that but a longing heart has no age. We also know that it will be okay. We don’t doubt that but those responses only minimize the hurt we are experiencing.

On the other hand the friends that send us encouraging verses or ask how we are doing are so incredibly appreciated. I’ve cried with a few of those sweet friends and they’ve cried with me and God has opened up some pretty precious relationships because of this journey. For that I am so grateful.

I found Sarah’s Laughter, an online Christian support for women dealing with infertility and it has changed my soul. It’s real. It doesn’t just tell me to trust God because lets face it, that answer isn’t always enough for our humanly heart. Infertility is full of unknowns. There is no reason we didn’t get pregnant at the beginning of this year. We had a month of the closest to normal we’ve ever had. Everything worked the way it was supposed to, but God wasn’t ready. One day He will be though and until then we’ll continue down this path and hopefully by me sharing this journey will connect with other sweet souls on the same path.

I will continue these thoughts throughout this week but for now I’ll leave off with this:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6