I remember the moment she said it.
She was standing at the door of my room, and I was sitting on the floor going
through my closet. She said to leave her bedroom as it was for a little while
in case I ever want to go sit in there and talk with her. She told me to rock
in the rocking chair and feel that this separation is only temporary.
She was my mother. She had cancer,
and I was just barely considered an adult – too young to lose my mama who also
happened to be my best friend.
I did lose her just a few short weeks
later. My life turned upside down and inside out. It was just she and I, but on
that second to last Friday in May, it became just me. I found myself visiting
that chair many times before we moved. My husband and I were engaged a few
months later and married before a year was up. That’s when the big moments
began. I got engaged with a ring like the many my mama and I had talked about
sitting on the couch in our living room. And our wedding was wonderful –
complete with a precious tribute just for her. But she wasn’t there, and I knew
these sweet moments would only be the beginning of things I’d go through
without her.
I’d
be lying if I said it didn’t terrify me to become a mom without her here. She’s
the one I called 20 times a day and could ask anything. There was no filter on
our relationship, nothing was embarrassing, and she was the wisest of women.
One of the hardest parts about her being gone was knowing she wasn’t here
praying for me and encouraging me to draw closer to Christ. There came lesson
number one.
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