Jesus replied, “you don’t understand now
what I am doing, but someday you will.”
John 13:7 NLT
I picture myself
climbing up into the Father’s lap and Him holding me in His strong arms. He’s
whispering that He’s got this and allowing me to grieve the outcome I most
hoped for. Allowing me to grieve “my way” all while He’s looking at the bigger
picture – you know, the one I can’t yet see. The pain is real and He’s offering
me a place to let that pain go.
We had to say
goodbye to one of our precious foster babies this last week. As I watched the
social worker walk her out our front door I realized that I would probably
never see this little girl ever again. I sat on my couch that afternoon and
thought about the time she spent as our daughter. We worked through things that
I thought would surely break us – or at least it would surely break me. She
stretched us and grew us. These huge hurdles bonded us and then, in what seemed
like a blink, it was time to say goodbye.
I felt the loss
of her deep inside my bones. My bones ached, my heart ached, deep inside my
soul ached. I saw her wondering eyes as she was walked out the front door. I
wondered if she understood what was happening. I wondered if she was
comfortable, or God forbid scared. But then I remembered that she may have had
a few sets of parents in her short little life so far, but one things remains
the same and that’s that she has always been HIS. He loves her more than I can
fathom. He walked out that door with her that morning and walked in the next door
holding her hand. That doesn’t eliminate my feeling because I love her so much,
but it gives my heart peace knowing the only one that is truly in control was
standing smack dab in the middle of this situation as well.
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